Oprah, You Inspired Me

Oprah, You Inspired Me

Dorkas Manroe 
Translator Mr. Sathasivan B

Life is like a spinning wheel. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Just how do we live with it, whether we will try to get up when the wheels are down.

This is a story about life happening around us.

This story began when Liana's father was affected by the reduction in employees. The company where Liana's father works, changed the existing regulations. None of them may have a family member in the company, e.g.  a husband and a wife, if there is, then one of them must retire early.

It's a regulation that is detrimental to many parties, especially employees who have family ties. The impact besides losing a job will definitely be a loss of relatives. That is, there must be a loser. The stronger one will survive.

And this is what happened to Liana's father, he had to retire early and his younger sibling remained. For some reason it must be Liana's father who has to retreat.

Not only that, Papa Liana's extended family supports that Liana's father’s younger brother remains employed and Liana's father goes for early retirement.

Maybe Liana's father’s family hates Liana's father because of her father’s stubbornness in their eyes. But actually Liana's father attention was  just the wrong way to show it.

And they gave a thousand sweet promises "Calm down,  every month Rp 2,000,000 will be sent for your children".

A promise is just a promise, they can only say it. There is no reality. Never mind giving money, just borrowing the money from them is  already unpleasant to hear.

Liana's father did not say anything. He and his friends who were affected by this regulation filed an application to challenge the decision in court. Even to the highest level.

But unfortunately, Liana's father and his friends lost. "Money" speaks, all can be bought even justice.

From here we know , why  Liana does  not believe the name  "Law". And since then, she has become an introvert, inferior and angry.

Yes ... she does not accept the circumstances that befell her.

No more traveling every Saturday or Sunday with parents and younger siblings.

When Liana's father was still working, they would go out every Saturday and Sunday. Whether it's to Ancol or to the mall, even if it's just just for having an outing for eating.

Since Liana's father retired early, let alone for a walk, for food alone she must think where the money is coming from.

To be able to buy rice alone, one must sell goods that can be sold. Including Liana's grandmother's car. And what remains from the legacy of Liana's grandmother is only the piano that was not sold yet.

Mother Liana's dream was, one of her children, should be able to play piano and accompany the music in church.

The greatness of Liana's parents, is that they still enrolled her younger siblings for  private piano  lessons so that ,her younger siblings don't have to work in an office. Let them give piano private lessons for a living.

Even if they have to borrow, their younger siblings must have the ability to play the piano so that they can become private piano teachers later.

***

Liana is the eldest of 4 siblings, her father works in one BUMN company. While her mother is  a housewife.

Since she  married  Liana's father, she stopped working. Before getting married, Liana's mother worked as a secretary in a well-known company. She gave up her job  and  chose to become a housewife.

Liana's mother was actually from an effluent family, Liana's grandfather worked at the Ministry of Information at that time. And was one of the former RI heroes. While Liana’s  Grandma, was a former nun for the  freedom fighters during the war of independence.

But preferring to marry Liana's father who is from the village, who had no degree and worked as an honorary employee at that time.

Liana's father only got a bachelor's degree when Liana was 2 years old.

Yes ... That is love, not looking for  anything more including wealth.

Liana has 3 younger siblings, her gap from her second brother is only 2 years. Whereas with her 3rd and 4th younger siblings, they are 10 years and 11 years apart.

When Liana's father was affected by the new regulations, Liana was still in semester 6 and her younger siblings were still in elementary school.

****

SUNDAY MORNING

Liana was awaken  from a deep sleep, her body was shaking "Liana wake up !... Get up quickly"

"What the heck, still sleepy" While rubbing her eyes.

"Wake up, bring out your ring for sale, We're out of rice" Yelled her mother.

"But ma, this is my ring. Indeed, Mom's jewellery was exhausted and nothing is left to sell."

"Nothing, everything is sold".

Mixed feelings, not willing to sell but it must be sold to buy rice. And for the sake of her family’s survival.

She  unwillingly let go of her  father's birthday  present , a ring that she had been wearing all this time. The ring in the middle there has a blue stone, very beautiful. Every person who sees the ring always says  Wow such a "Beautiful ring".

In addition to this ring, many items have been sold to make continue  living.

Feelings of anger, annoyance and she could not accept the circumstances.

****

Not only was Liana's problem affected by the layoff, other problems also came in Liana's family life.

The distribution of  inheritance in Ms. Liana's family added to the problem and made her financial situation worse.

Liana's mother was brought to court by her own younger siblings even though  her mother handled all of her mother's expenses.

And when her mother died,  Liana's mother sister thought that Liana's mother spent all of her mother's possessions to survive her.Although the property  was already given by her younger brother.

That's  human nature  when dealing with wealth, everybody will forget you.

Not only that, Liana's mother even lent money to her friend. But her friend refused to return the money, if her mother asked for the money,many reasons arose. Even now the money has not been returned.

Not to mention, when mama Liana worked at a real estate company in Jakarta. A buyer agreed to buy a house and Mama Liana received her commission.But when the buyer cancels  buying the house, he asks to refund the commission to him.

All these reasons  increased Liana family’s debt.

Before Liana worked, they sold all  existing belongings ,emptied the savings or borrowed money from people here and there.

Liana was getting angry and embarrassed. She could not accept the problems that befell her.

Not only that, Liana was angry with God for what had happened to her.

***

Day after day, month after month, year after year, things were not getting better but getting worse.

Debt kept on increasing just to make a living. Starting with debts from relatives to the neighbors. Feelings of shame and insecurity were felt.

Not only that, sometimes insults from her own family also surfaced because Liana's father often borrowed money from them.

Liana was hurt to know this. Her father was insulted, even one of his wealthy younger sisters often said "Your father is not blessed so he will not get fortune  from God".

Liana wanted to answer "Daddy will not be  like this  if he is still working and not his younger brother “.

But Liana did not do it, she could only stay quiet and kept it in her heart.

This is how it feels, to be despiced by rich people. Pain ... Especially insulted by his own family.

Luckilly Liana has a lover, only to her lover Liana tells whatever is happening to her family. She felt ashamed and inferior to tell her friends.

Rian, is Liana's lover. He has a figure of a tall  dark man with eyes which resembles an eagle.

The lover she has been dating since her junior high school days.

Initially, Liana  just wanted to compete with her friend. But it turns out that Rian likes Liana, so they started dating since then.

Without Rian, Liana did not know where to go. She could only  confide with him, no one else.

But unfortunately, their relationship was not eternal. At one time, Rian  suddenly decided  to end their relationship without any reason.

Rian said “ Liana, let's break up. It's better if we become friends. Even if we don't date, you can still contact me if you're sad. I'll be by your side when you're sad, but when you're happy there won’t be me."

"Is it because I'm poor, you decided to leave me."asked Liana.

"No, I just want us to be friends. That's all," said Rian.

There were no tears, only anger in Liana's heart.

The world is unfair, and Liana lost what she had. "Why ... Why must I lose him, can't I have what I want"

And from that moment on, Liana's heart was closed for love.

Sad feelings ... Empty ... That's what Liana felt.

But actually  Rian did not leave Liana. He followed Liana quietly, watching from afar. The feeling of love was still there, the circumstances that made him  break the relationship.

***

A year later, Liana heard that Rian was in the hospital.He was in a critical stage.

"Liana, Rian is in the hospital. Aren't you visiting him?" asked Robert, his friend.

"Ahhh ... What is he suffering from ?"

"Don't know, let's visit him." Invited Robert.

We left for the hospital from the Duren Sawit area, East Jakarta. Upon arrival at the hospital, we were asked to wear masks, hospital gloves and clothing before entering the room.

And when we entered his room, Liana was silent while her eyes looked at the whole room.

"What are they doing here, what are their sickness. Their bodies were thin, their bones and their skin were charred. What is their disease." Liana asked softly.

Seeing Rian's condition, Liana was curious. His body was thin, not as brash as he used to be. "What's wrong with him, why is he so thin”?

Liana's curiosity was interrupted by Rian's call "How are you, Li, how are your parents"

"Good ... They're good," Liana answered, stammering.

Liana was more silent, talking only when asked. She was still wondering about Rian's illness.

Not long after, they said goodbye to Rian and went home.

There is one remark that Rian still remembers Liana if she is sad "You will not be alone, if you are sad. Close your eyes, I will be present. If you want to cry, cry. I am beside you always"

Hearing Rian's words, Liana wanted to hug. But unfortunately, forbidden by his mother Rian. For some reason, Liana was not allowed to hug Rian.

Maybe that was the last time Liana could see Rian.

On their way home, they discussed about  Rian's illness.

"Bert, what kind of ilness is Rian suffering from ? Why is his body  so thin and his skin charred" asked Liana.

Robert just shook his head, did not answer anything.

Two weeks after that, Robert came to Liana's house at midnight. He called her.

"Liana ... Liana ..." He called from the front gate.

"What, midnight here" While opening the gate.

"Rian ..." he said

"Why Rian ... why  ?" Liana asked with a forehead wrinkled and a fast beating heart.

"Rian died, his brother told me " just now.

Liana was silent, mixed feelings. You have to lose forever, the person you spent 10 years with.

"I'll just go to his house tomorrow. You go to his house tonight and help Rian's family," begged Liana. 

And not long after, Robert moved on and drove to Rian's house.

Liana could not sleep until morning, feeling lost.

Yes ... The loss of the person she spent 10 years with. 

The next day, Liana went to her house.

As Liana  arrived in front of his coffin, Rian's mother's voice was heard saying, "Rian, Liana is here. You said you wanted to meet her, wake up son."

Liana walked towards Rian's coffin. Arriving in front of her casket, Liana saw Rian's face and body as before when we were together. He was very handsome in a white suit and pants with his arms folded.

Liana's hand held Rian's cheek while saying "Here I come Rian, wake up.You  said you will be there when I'm sad. If you go, who is going to be  next to me when I'm sad. Please, wake up"

And when Liana wanted to kiss Rian's forehead for one last time, her mother forbaded  her.

"Don't kiss him, it's not good"

Liana obeyed and didn't kiss for the last time. But the question "Why shouldn't he be kissed"

On the way back from Rian's "Eternal Home", feelings of loss and devastation was felt by Liana. Tears continued to stream down Liana's cheeks.

"Why ... Why do I have to lose the person I love. Why God, why is God unfair. What's wrong with me?" Liana cried.

Liana followed Rian's funeral procession, even when her coffin was put into the grave. Liana could only cry to let the person she loved go away forever.

Broken ... Liana's heart is broken ...

***

One week later

In the morning, the alarm clock woke me up for morning lecture. I grabbed the handphone that was located beside the pillow, I saw a message from Rian's mother.

"Liana, this afternoon  can you stop by the house for a while" That was the message.

"Yes, I'll be there at 6:00 p.m." Liana replied

Then Liana moved from her bed to the bathroom.

In the afternoon, returning from campus, Liana went to Rian's house. There, she waited for Rian's mother, brother and sister.

Liana was asked to sit in front of her mother and brother then his sister beside Rian.

The atmosphere was silent, only eyes met each others eyes.

"Liana, auntie want to ask you so please answer honestly.  All this time where did you and Rian hang out “? Rian’s mother  asked, breaking the silence.

"What do you mean by that? Why? Liana doesn't understand"

Liana's hand was held by Rian's mother "Rian ... Rian died of HIV / AIDS. Were you there, where Rian has been hanging out"

Shocked ... Liana couldn’t believe what Rian's mother had said.

"Rian got HIV / AIDS? How long has it been aunty?" Liana asked

"It's been a year," said Rian’s brother

Thunderstruck. So now Liana knew why Rian had cut ties with her. He did not want Liana to contract HIV / AIDS like him.

Liana's tears flowed from her eyes.

"Liana doesn't know where Rian used to hang out, so far we have only been to the Mall. Rian has never invited Liana to meet his friends" Liana answered with sobs.

During the courtship with Rian, Liana was never invited to hang out with his friends. Never mind hanging out, not even being introduced to his friends.

So, this is the reason why he doesn't want Liana to meet his friends. He did not want Liana to fall into promiscuity.

Like being struck by lightning, she felt on hearing Abang Rian's story about what happened to Rian.

Feelings of guilt arose, like as though she did not want to know what happened to Rian. Morever she was not  beside him when he needed someone.If only Liana had known he was alone and she was there for him surely he would not have fallen  into promiscuity.

But I salute  Rian's family, still willing to accept and care for Rian even though he was HIV / AIDS positive.

Imagine the family's struggle for Rian to be healthy and recover from his illness.

If at that time Liana found out, she would have given him all the support he needed.

Feelings of guilt surfaced for being so selfish although she did not know what actually  happened to Rian. And since then, the door to Liana's heart was closed coupled with her family's situation.

She was ashamed, did not want to be insulted again if near a man. Fear of people wanting to know more about her situation.

And the feeling of loneliness ... Silence ... There was no place to share her stories anymore ...

Only memories of the times with  Rian and a photo that is always kept in her wallet.

***

Three months after Rian's departure, Liana graduated from college.

And a month later, she was hired to work in a private company.

Liana was lucky, she didn't need to wait so long to be employed . Just graduated from college, a month later was hired. Distance does not matter, the most important thing is working to help in her family’s well being.

During a test at the company, Liana's father waited all day until Liana finished.

He waited under a tree near the motorbike parking while reading.

Yes, Liana's father’s hobby was reading while waiting. Maybe this is one way to fill the boredom of waiting.

And when Liana first worked, Liana's father drove her. And before going home, Papa Liana arranged a  vehicle  for Liana to go home ...

That's Liana's father, always paying attention to his children.

***

8 years of working in the company, Liana's career flourished.

She was also trusted to be the Head of the Admin Section. That means, responsibilities were getting heavier, she has to handle a team. Not only that, branches that are outside the city must be attented to.

Sometimes, Liana must go out of town  for interviews and  job control.

Not bad ... Besides working, Liana can take a free vacation.

Almost every month, Liana has an out of town schedule for several days.

Her position as Head of Department made Liana increasingly known to many people in the company. Not only that, Liana was also increasingly hated by her team because of her attitude which was considered to be a dictator.

No play orders, no matter whether you like it or not. But this is also pressure from her superiors.

Hilter's terms, cruel.

Liana's days are all spent to work. Wake up, check whats up.

There is no word off, time is up for work. And by the way, 24 hours cellphone must be on standby.

That's how it is if you become a Sectional Chief, a huge responsibility.

 ***

Then, what about love?

7 years after Rian's departure, Liana fell in love with an Indian boy again. Chandra was the name of the guy. They were acquaintances in the cyberspace world.

Chandra  lives and works in Melbourne as a Chef at one of the Italian restaurants there.

After his divorce, Chandra decided to move to Melbourne and work there. Disappointment made him migrate because his ex-wife had an affair with her ex-boyfriend.

Desperate financially, Chandra decided to move to Melbourne. He sold all assets in order to forget his past.

Without any special skills and not fluent English, Chandra finally moved to Melbourne.

And thanks to one of the agents in the Kelapa Gading area, Chandra was able to move to Melbourne.

There Chandra worked as a chef besides taking a English course.

Time was running out for work and English courses.

And for love alone, Chandra always failed. Every woman who approaches him is only for the material.

Until finally Liana became acquainted with Chandra.

The beginning of their introduction there was no problem, but over time. Chandra's attitude changed, maybe because of Liana's large figure which pushed Chandra away.

But Liana was already in love with Chandra.

Unfortunately Liana's love was unrequited.

Until one day a crazy idea came up, maybe this was a crazy idea that Liana has not done in all her life. But this is one way to get close to Chandra.

And the crazy idea wass, Liana made a fake facebook account. With the account name and photo taken from an Indian women's Facebook account.

It turned out that Chandra was fooled, he liked this woman. Ritika, the name of the Indian woman Liana used for the fake account she created.

"Hi ... My Name is Chandra, what is  your name?"  he asked in the  Facebook inbox.

"Hi ... My Name Ritika, Where do you live?" replied Liana

That was the beginning of our acquaintance. And since then we were getting closer.

Liana knew more about Chandra's activities, starting from waking up until he goes back to sleep. In fact, there were scars on his body which Liana can tell from the photos he sent.

Chandra reopened a closed heart, Liana’s  love for  Chandra grew even though she had to pretend to be Ritika.

Liana's life was increasingly lively now as  there is a place to devote the love and attention that has been lost all these while.

Liana was willing  to sleep for only a few hours just to wake Chandra then she could do a shift in the morning. Because the difference between Jakarta and Melbourne is 4 hours.

"Hey ... Wake Up. Don't sleep again. You have to go to the restaurant. Hurry up," Liana said.

"Ok ... Love u," Chandra answered.

And when Liana goes back to sleeps Chandra starts working.

Not only that, Chandra also always asked about the clothes he used for work is suitable or  not.

Once, he used yellow  pants and a red  shirt.

"OMG ... That was like a Matador”s uniform in a bull  fighting arena," Liana said with a laugh.

"Really ... Ok ... I'll change into jeans," Chandra answered

Shortly thereafter, Chandra sent a photo in his jeans and plaid shirt. Looks handsome, even though he was 48 years old.

During Liana's communication with Chandra, there has never been a video call. Liana always had a myriad of reasons not to video call.

Yes ... Maybe things should be like this, have to lie to get close to him.

But until when must she pretend to be someone else, Liana's heart began to feel uncomfortable. She wants to be loved as she is and  not someone else.

Until one day, Chandra invited her  to meet and wanted to propose. Liana was dumbfounded and didn’t know what to do.

"Hi, I want to meet you and get married with you. Do you want to be my wife?" said Chandra.

Liana remained silent, unable to answer. Like being on a tight rope.

If  she says yes, she is not Ritika. The woman Chandra wants to marry. If she tells the truth, she will lose Chandra forever.

Not ready for Liana to lose Chandra, she was comfortable with him.

And on the advice of one friend, Liana finally said that she was not Ritika.

"Hi Chandra, I want to say something. But please don't hate me after hearing this truth. I did this because I love you," Liana said in a scared voice.

"Say, I will not be angry. I love you," Chandra answered.

"Emmm ... I'm actually not Ritika. I'm someone who was once close to you and likes you. You must know who I am"

After Liana said that, there was no reply from Chandra. He blocked all Liana's accounts.

Liana's heart broke again, feeling guilty and losing the person she spent 4 months with. Even in cyberspace, but Liana's love was sincere.

Since then, Liana has not heard from Chandra again.

Until a few months later, Liana heard that Chandra was married to his high school friend. They were married because it was arranged by Chandra's sister-in-law.

Feeling happy when she heard that Chandra finally settled down with the woman he knew since he was 5.

While Liana, is still struggling to make a living and find her true love.

***

Broken heart and  a breakdown in  communication with Chandra. But it must be forgotten, the most important thing is that Chandra is happy.

Longing and love for Chandra, Liana poured it in writing on her blog.

The memories of Chandra, stored there. And the photos that Chandra had sent were stored on Facebook photo albums. Only he can see it.

When the longing came, she could see it. Love was still there even though Liana knew Chandra had forgotten and even hated her.

***

Since she broke up communication with Chandra, a feeling of boredom and loneliness  blanketed Liana's days. I want to resign from the company.

How not to get bored, she must get up early at 04:00 and come home from work at 22:00. At the end of the month she must go home at 00:00 after closing. Not to mention, it's hard to leave. Even if you take  leave, your cellphone must be on standby. The cellphone can't die, if the cellphone dies, the boss will get angry.

Once when Liana's cellphone died, her boss was angry and not joking.

"Why are you so hard to contact. I told you, leave is okay, but cellphones must be on standby"

"My cellphone was at low-bat ma," Liana answered.

"Buy a new one, your salary is  enough. Change your cellphone" Liana just remained silent, not daring to answer again.

That's Liana's boss, fierce. Especially if there are problems with customers and gets to the CEO knowledge,his  anger is uncalled for . His anger is non stop until he gets home.

Until one day, Liana was desperate to submit a resignation letter. Marriage is the only  reason to be able to resign from the company.

Liana decided to resign, without asking her parents. A big decision in her life.

August, the day of freedom arrived. Liana stopped working in a company that she  has been working for the past 10 years.

Resignation  doesn't mean that Liana can enjoy life, instead she has to  go to the city every day  because she hasn't found a job yet.

"Aaaarrgghhhhh ..."

Dizzy ... feeling stupid ... What to do every day ?

8 months after resigning from the Company, Liana still hasn't got a job.

Every morning, she says goodbye and pretends  to go to work. Though not  going anywhere with a purpose. Takes the busway and commuterline  to the city. Anywhere to spend time so that people at home are not suspicious.

Not only that, there is no income every month. Pension funds from the Company and BPJS were used up to cover credit cards and daily fees.

Until one day, on the advice of a friend. Liana borrowed money from an online lending application.

"Ron ... Borrow Rp. 500,000 in cash and repay it at the end of the month," Liana asked.

"Just borrow in the online application, brother. I often borrow there," said the Baron.

At first Liana was afraid to borrow, but the situation was urgent. Finally Liana fell into the online loan application trap.

Not just one, but many. Until the debt was pilling up.

Not only that, Liana also borrowed money from her friends. For the sake of being able to cover the debt.

The term "Dig a hole to close the other  hole". That's all Liana did before getting a job.

Day by day her life was  increasingly  miserable with debts. There were no friends to share stories anymore

Maybe her friends don't want to be friends with Liana who likes to borrow money.

Alone ... That's how it feels.

I wanted to kill myself and follow Rian. There is nothing to expect for in life, all was just emptiness.

***

"When we are about to fall, there must be a helping hand so as not to fall".

That's what Liana experienced, when things got worse. There was a hand that pulled her up to stand.

She was acquainted with Rana, a cute little  Indonesian girl  married to a foreign man.

They met at one of the meetings during the new year.

"Hi, my name is Rana. I am a friend of Rama"

"Hi, I am Liana. Nice to meet you"

I do not know what made me get closer and closer to Rana. She always supports me.

As if giving hope and strength to Liana to recover  from the suffering she experienced so far.

She invites Liana to accompany her to all the social activities she attends.

"Liana, tomorrow I have an event with the veterans. Please come along," begged Rana.

"Ok, what time and where?" Said Liana.

"At 11:00  am in the Kwitang area, Monday".

"Ok"

Rana always introduces Liana to something new that she has not done.

The new world is always introduced by Rana to Liana, this makes Liana's eyes open to this life.

Rana has a desire to have an "elderly shelter" intended for seniors. Here later, seniors will have activities to move on with their life actively.

And Liana herself, wants to have an "Orphanage". Where children who do not have parents have shelter.

Until one day, Liana got a good news. She was hired by  Starthub company engaged in cashier software. 

But the position is not like in the previous company, just as Telesales Engineering.

Finally, after being jobless for  8 months , Liana can go back to work a bona fide company too.

"Congratulations, you're welcome to this company. You can start working tomorrow, you can come at 9:00 morning”

"Yes ma'am, tomorrow I will come before 09:00"

Feeling happy, finally able to work again. There will be income every month, can pay debts.

The next day, Liana arrived before 09:00 a.m.

The first day of work, Liana was comfortable. In addition, the facilities at this company are also ok.

In addition to free lunch, here coffee, sugar, tea and milk is provided for free. Can be drunk anytime.

Not only that, Liana did not have a team. She was alone, not like the former company where she had just worked. So there is no team at all.

Plus, Liana has 2 bosses. One of Liana's superiors, an Indian. Communication between them is a bit difficult, Liana is not very fluent in English. But fortunately, Liana still has an Indonesian superior,who  communicates with the subordinates  who are Indonesian most of the time.

***

With work, debt problems can be solved. Liana is often being chased by debt collectors, not only that. her friends  also terrorized her because of the online loan application, so Liana has to repay her debt.

This situation made Liana miserableand  felt pressured. Not knowing what to do.

One way she thought was to tell her father. Asking Papa's help so all her debts can be settled.

While crying and kissing her father's leg Liana said "Dad ... I'm sorry Liana"

Liana’s father was shocked and said "What's wrong Liana"

With sobs, Liana said "Dad ... Liana has a lot of debt. Can you help Liana to pay"

Angry and furious was  Papa when he heard Liana's words, not only that. Liana got hit.

"Who do you owe, what was the money for. So far you have not given anything to this family."

Liana was hurt on hearing her father's words. The money that  she has borrowed so far was also been used for her family as well. But it was never considered.

Finally Liana's debt was paid by her sister, Eva.

After graduating from college, Eva, became a music teacher at a semi-international school. The salary was not bad, her father was proud of her.

Since then, everything Liana has done was always wrong in the eyes of her family. Liana feels that what she has been done so far was meaningless.

Not only that, each time Liana gave something to her family including food. They always asked where is the money from?

But there was one word from her father that made Liana sad and angry with him "What have you given to this family"

Hopeless ... That's what Liana felt.

What she has  done so far is meaningless, everything was not appreciated.

Like the saying goes "One bad apple spoils the whole barrel ". That's what happened to Liana.

But that's what Liana must accept for what she did.

3 months after working at the company, Liana's younger sister, Eva, graduated from college. That means, Liana's responsibilities as a sister was completed.

Yes, even though the sacrifices she made so far was meaningless.

Since then, her family  always underestimated what she did.

Not only that, Liana was considered a nobody. If her siblings buy food, Liana was never even invited to have some. They always say,"Buy yourself, so you don't owe us."

Her younger siblings have no respect for  Liana. But Liana always remembers her family,she  even brings back her rice box from her office.

She is willing to carry the weight of her bag, laptop and also food for her family.

But still, mistakes made by Liana continue to be brought up.

It hurts every time she hears  the words of her family. And this must be accepted by Liana.

People always say her family is very concerned about her. When in fact, her family has never appreciated what she did so far.

It feels like to get out of the house, want to run away without them knowing my whereabouts. But Liana doesn't have the courage for that.

Liana's financial situation is still not stable enough to get out of the house. She hopes someday to be able to move to another city, alone. Starting an independent life, without her family.

And as for now, Liana has to accept whatever criticisms from her family.

***

Like rain falling to earth. All drops of water that fall will surely stop one day. Like that, my longing for you will also be forgotten.

Sometimes when loneliness is felt,my  longing for Rian will creep in.

"Rian, even though you left. But the memories are still in my heart, it's hard to forget you"

Rian’s  warm hug, caressing  her hair while saying "You are not alone, there is me who is always beside you"

And when Rian left forever, only good memories are left for Liana. 

Like Judika's song "Tak Mungkin Bersama"

Oh begini rasanya kehilangan dirimu kekasih
Tak pernah kubayangkan sakitnya akan seperti ini
Kau tlah pergi dari hidupku

Oh mengapa kah kau tinggalkan aku seperti ini
Saat aku masih berharap cinta ini masih bertahan untuk kita

Oh mengapa kah kau membawa semua kenangan indah bersama kita dulu
Kini berakhir untuk slamanya

Oh begini rasanya kehilangan dirimu kekasih
Tak pernah kubayangkan sakitnya akan seperti ini
Kau telah pergi dari sisiku uo..ooo

Kita tak mungkin lagi untuk bersama (tak mungkin bersama) uuuu..
Kenyataan ini tlah memisahkan kita (tlah memisahkan kita)
Biarkan cinta ini jadi kenangan indah untukku.. uoo.. ooo

Oh mengapa kah kau tinggalkan aku seperti ini
Saat aku masih berharap cinta ini masih bertahan untuk selamanya

Oh mengapa kah kau membawa semua kenangan indah bersama kita dulu
Kini berakhir ooooh harus berakhir, oooo uu, kini berakhir untuk selamanya.. ooooh..

After Rian died and broke up with Chandra, Liana's heart was completely closed.

Until one day, Liana fell back in love with the widower of one child.

Kelly, was the name of the man. His long curly hair, sharp nose and fair skin made him look handsome. Whoever sees him, will definitely like him.

At first Liana didn't like him because he was arrogant  and  he never answered whatever Liana asked.So the the first impression of the acquaintance was bad.

"This guy is so arrogant, is it because he's handsome that he acts so proud ?"

Several times Liana tried to communicate with him  via messages on facebook but he never responded.

Liana got  acquainted with this man in cyberspace. Maybe this is Liana's only entertainment and way to make friends.

Liana then gave up and didn't send any more messages.

One afternoon, on my way home. Liana saw a photo uploaded  to Kelly's account. He took a picture with a girl who had the same face as him.

"Who is this child, so beautiful"

Upon seeing the girl's face, Liana's heart seemed to have a liking for the child. Like a strange attraction that Liana herself did not know understand.

Then Liana, checked Kelly's account to find out who the child was. And it didn't take long, Liana found out the girl's name.

Lani, was the girl's name and she was 13.

Liana immediately fell in love with the girl. Maybe if Liana was married, her child's age would be the same  as her.

But ... Who is the mother of the child? Why  Liana couldn’t see  Lani's photo with her mother. Only photos of her with her father.

Liana also asked her friends about Lani  but none of them could provide satisfying answers.

Until one day, Liana got an answer from a friend.

Raj, was Liana's friend's name. Actually Raj also did not know the details of Kelly's life. He only knew that Kelly  was a widower, his wife died while giving birth to her child.

"Oh wow ... Widower? So Kelly hasn't had a partner since his wife died," Liana told herself.

Since knowing Kelly was a widower, Liana liked Kelly. She was interested in Kelly because she saw Kelly’s closeness with his daughter. 

Liana was looking for someone who loved her family and that she found in the figure of Kelly.

One midnight, Liana sent a message to Kelly. She did not expect her message to be replied, but it was unexpected. Kelly replied to the message by giving his mobile number.

Liana did not immediately send a message to his cellphone number,trying not to show her impatience.

Few days later, Liana sent a whats apps message. Unexpectedly, Kelly replied at once.

"OMG ... This guy is different from other men. Super ignorant but curious" Liana said excitedly.

Kelly's indifferent attitude made Liana curious and liked him even more.

Day by day, Liana's curiosity grew. She wanted to meet him, but there was no courage.

Until one day, Liana ventured into the Tanah Abang Market. His workplace.

Yes, Kelly works there. He sells fabrics and most likely to be there.

It turned out to be a pleasant surprise, Liana did not take long to find where Kelly was. When she entered, Kelly's figure was visible.

With jeans and a shirt opened to his chest, making  his chest hair visible. Made Liana's heart pound faster.

"OMG ... Very handsome".

Unfortunately, Liana did not have the courage to say hi to him. She just passed by and hoped that Kelly knew her presence. But apparently, Kelly didn't recognize her.

Liana's fat figure may not make Kelly interested to see her.

But that's okay, what's important for Liana is to be able to see him even from afar. She does this almost every month.

Like the lyrics in the song "Cinta Dalam Hati".. That's how Liana's love for Kelly was within her heart.

mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu

telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

Liana had set out to meet  Kelly. And that was only for 5 minutes, after which they lost contact. Maybe Kelly wasn't interested in Liana.

Yes, how to be interested, Liana's large body will not make men interested. Including Kelly, he is handsome. Surely many beautiful women knew him.

Hopeless Liana liked Kelly, for her to meet once was enough. After that, she would only watch from a distance.

Not only that, Liana also often checks his daughter's Instagram account. He really loved his child.

But not a match, must sincerely forget.

Like the title of the Chakra Khan song "Kekasih Bayangan".

Yeah ... Kelly is just a Shadow Lover, which Liana can't have.

Liana couldn't forget Kelly, maybe the door to her heart was closed to another man.

Every time someone is introduced, Liana has no feelings. His heart still likes Kelly.

Until one day, a new problem arose, which made Liana's days full of terror.

Aunt Liana's niece, Gita's, is having  a relationship with Kelly. They got acquainted when Liana updated photos and tagged Gita on Facebook.

OMG ... They are in a relationship, Liana was affected.

Liana just found out that Gita ran away from home because her husband often hit her. Gita reverses the fact that she is a victim of domestic violence. This is because of Gita’s relationship with Kelly. He was even willing to leave his wife  and children for his infidelity.

Gita's husband was retired, so Gita decides to work again to help her husband, in that way she can get out of the house every day.

She is willing to leave her husband and children because someone has already paid for her living.

But Liana's life was not peaceful, her days were full of terror were messy. Once, Liana was terrorized by some inappropriate words

"Hey, you Liana. There is a man who wants to pay you a high price. You have to accompany him like that brother"

Liana was shocked and angry to hear that.

"Fuck  ... Just tell her to be the friend of the man. Insane"

Liana's heart was upset, she wanted to report to the police. But she remembered her aunt's words "Don't bother with crazy people, later you will be crazy too".

And if you report the police, the matter will be dragging and  long. It will involve a lot of time going back and forth to the police station.

Uuuhhfff ... Liana can only hold it in her heart. Do not tell anyone, including her parents. She did not want her parents to panic.

Poor Kelly, how can he  like women like Gita who only think about  the material wealth. Gita has been married twice and divorced for material reasons.

Her second husband was divorced when he retired from a well-known BUMN company in Indonesia. Imagine she can go on a holiday abroad while her husband is still working. In fact, she was able to meet her father who is living in America for a long time, thanks to her husband. If not  she could not have  met her  father who had  left her for so long.

Although her husband has retired,her husband's pension is arguably decent moreover her husband is still  teaching part time for more income.

Indeed, it is Gita who cannot manage her income, her lifestyle is luxurious. Want branded goods.

Not only that, she didn't take care of her first child once she remarried. Her child is taken care of by her first ex-husband's family. Not only that, her first child almost killed herself because she became pregnant out of wedlock.

Yes, that is life. Everyone has their own way of life. 

She was also always lucky to get a rich husband although being divorced. Beauty and body are her main capital to attract men.

Different from Liana, who is not beautiful. Doesn't know how to  groom herself with a fat body. So it's not surprising, Kelly didn't like her when she met him.

That is love, nobody knows who to love.

Only Liana can do is willingly forget Kelly.

And hope someday, there will be someone who can accept her as she is. Not only him, but her family too.

***

Kelly's fondness could not be forgotten,all of a sudden the man who had not communicated with her for a long time contacted her.

"Hi Liana, how are you?" He asked.

"Hi, I'm fine. Why WA, what's up?" Replied Liana.

"Nothing, just want to say hello".

That was the start of the man's chat with Liana.

Octavianus, the man who lives in Medan and is 2 years younger than her.

Man who always  and reminds her to always pray and read the Bible.

But this man can only be contacted via whats up, the phone number is no longer active. This makes Liana suspicious and upset. When asked, the answer never satisfies Liana.

"What is the telephone number that can be contacted, why is this number can only be reached via WA?" Asked Liana in an annoyed tone.

"Just use this number if you want to call," Octavianus said.

"Aaarrrhhhhhh ... Bummer".

This guy always makes Liana upset, she wants to hit him.

And strangely, Liana asked her friends in Medan but no one knew this man.

Liana is  more suspicious  with this guy, what do you want this guy from Liana. Why is he so mysterious.

When asked, this man always says "Someday you will definitely go to Medan, you will meet me "

“Annoying man” 

Until one day, Liana’s anger peaked. She stopped to communicate with the man, but she didn't block his WApp account. She wanted to know if the man would WA message  first, but he didn't. He only saw Liana's status  without a comment.

And whoever he is, if indeed God ‘s will is to allow us to meet. Will meet him for sure.

***

Evening

On the way home on the commuterline. Feeling empty and bored, suicidal thoughts arose.

In Liana's heart said "Why do I live, it's no longer useful. Everything I do is in vain"

While sitting sweetly with a cellphone in hand, Liana was simply browsing . Suddenly a famous artist's biography emerged, she rose from her downturn.

Even with her dark past, she rose and achieved success.

Oprah Winfrey ...

Yes ..A. Black woman, who has a dark past and was unhappy.

Since childhood, Oprah's parents were divorced. She had to live with her grandmother. In addition, she was raped by her own brother. But she was silent, did not tell anyone.

How come, what happened to her was her own fault.

It's different from Liana, who always thinks whatever she does was never valued by her family. Even the results of her efforts were never supported.

OMG ...

And what Liana could not understand was, at the age of 14, Oprah gave birth. Even though the baby didn't live long, she still survived.

But thanks to her desire to change, Oprah  became famous  today. In fact, she has received several  awards for her work.

What Oprah experienced was nothing compared to what happened to Liana.

Liana realized, what happened to her was "Karma" because she never did any good. Maybe this is a reminder from God in order to change.

Since then, Liana  often read stories about Oprah. She made Liana change and live life for the better.

If it had happened to another woman, she might have committed suicide or had reported it to the police.

But Oprah didn’t  do that, instead she considers what happened to her was her own mistakes.

Oprah is Liana's inspiration to change her life, appreciate her life more and forget what happened in her past.

Days that have been colorless have become colored. Liana turned into a woman who always smiles and helps others. So that people who see it as a cheerful woman, active and always friendly with anyone, including with new people.

Liana's dream, to be able to meet with Oprah Winfrey and embrace her. Hope I  could be the first person from Indonesia to meet her.

Not only that, thanks to Oprah, Liana was able to live her life in full color. Even though the family still can't forget what Liana did first, at least out there are still people who appreciate what Liana did.

Not only that, Liana also wants to repair her parents' house which has a broken roof and leaking.

Yes, shw understands, the cost to repair it was around 100 million. Where will the money come from, not forgetting the cost of living daily is  still lacking.

But Liana was sure, one day she could fix her parents home and her grandfather’s tomb in her backyard.

Not only that, Liana wants to build a shelter for seniors and orphans.

And in the end Liana got used to what happened and accepted the circumstances that came to her.

Liana also knows who the friends who are in a difficult or happy time.

Since that incident Liana has a lot of debt here and there, Liana's friends are only 4 people. 3 friends during college and 1 friend from an acquaintance.

Those who are always there when Liana is down. And they also gave Liana up, so that Liana could pay off all of her debts.

And for the matchmaking problem, Liana did not really expect to be given a match. If later God gives, it's all her plan.

But certainly, Liana will live a better life. Learn to forgive those who have looked down on her.

****